Bidden or Unbidden . . .

“St. Teresa of Avila wrote: 'All difficulties in prayer can be traced to one cause: praying as if God were absent.' This is the conviction that we bring with us from early childhood and apply to everyday life and to our lives in general. It gets stronger as we grow up, unless we are touched by the Gospel and begin the spiritual journey. This journey is a process of dismantling the monumental illusion that God is distant or absent.” 

― Thomas Keating, Fruits and Gifts of the Spirit

Words, Words, Everywhere Words & No Relief In Sight

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We did the consult thing today, with the specialist, well one of the specialists.  Dora was so starved for some kinda news that I thought she was going to fall down and kiss sunny jim’s feet.  

He talked more than my preacher does. No offense, chaplain! You know how preachers can be. They think they can solve anything by throwing words at it.

Anyway, every time I asked a question he got that, ‘Children should be seen and not heard' look in his eyes.

Aw, heck,there wasn't anything wrong with him.  Other than the fact that he talked for most of a solid hour, and didn't say a doggone thing. 

‘Maybe this, maybe that, maybe this other thing.”

Made me weary to the bone.  Why do they waste your dang time if they don’t have anything to say?

I know he thought he was doing a bang-up job because Dora was just about to cry from gratitude.

He didn't say one thing that had any certainty to it. If he had only said what he knew for a fact, we woulda been out in seven minutes. 

Heck, he could’ve taken an extra ten minutes to show us how much he learned in school and I still woulda felt all right. Instead we get a truck load of pig manure.  And I can tell you right now that pig manure is not what we need more of at this point.  It may have its place in this life, but we got an overabundance of it in our corner of the world.

And by the end of the day Dora is depressed as all get-out.  We were eating supper, having a great time joking back and forth, like we used to do, and all of a sudden she looks at me and says, ‘We didn’t find out anything today, did we? We still don’t know what they can do because they don’t know either.’ 

There isn't much that gets that woman down. If I told you everything she’s been through in her life, it would make you cry, and I know you've heard some rough things.  ‘She eats pressure for breakfast,’ is what I have always said about her.

Now she is all jumpy. Her knees have started hurting all over again, from out of nowhere, and she gets these headaches. 

She’s never had headaches before.

When she tells them they just stare back and say, “That ain't related to this,’ like that is a goll-dang answer.  It don’t concern them, like that kinda pain ain't any of their business because it ain't related to what they are studying on.  

I can tell you for sure that it concerns the heck out of me.

Aw, there is nothing wrong with that guy.  I know he’s doing his best, if for no other reason than he’s too proud to do a bad job. You can tell that about him.

In a way we are both alike because right now, I get a lot of pleasure out of making Dora smile.  And I am of less use to her than that bloomin' doctor is. 

It is so easy to please her these days. It feels so good to do some little thing for her.  And you would think I just worked some kind of a genuine New Testament miracle.

But I feel like crap for feeling so happy while she is suffering.  Some days I feel positively happy because she needs me so much right now. 

Dora has always loved me but there has never been a day in our marriage when I thought she actually needed me.  Now she needs me and the way it makes me feel is kind of scary.

OK, well it is time for me to shut up. I'm talking more than that dang doctor.

Will you pray with me? Right now it feels like that is the only kind of talking that is gonna help anything.

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The Root, The Fountain, and the Mother of All Blessings

Billy Gene & Dorothy Grace

Many of you know that I spent five days with my parents last week.  The occasion for our reunion was not happy, but as has happened so often in my life, troubling circumstances became the source of joy and gratitude beyond anything I could have imagined.

One particular moment stands out to me as singularly precious.  Indeed, the memory of that moment has returned to me repeatedly in the days since I returned to Dallas, bringing with it the emotions I felt then.

Mom and Dad and I were sitting at the breakfast table, about to eat the first meal that she had prepared since she was taken to the hospital a few days earlier.  As we bowed our heads, I heard my father ask who would pray.  

My mother volunteered.

THE QUIET POWER OF INTIMACY WITH GOD

I wish I could recount the words for you, but I cannot.  I can assure you that it was an ordinary prayer.  

However, as I listened to Mom pray, I felt the quiet power of her intimacy with God.  A flood of memories swept over me, memories of a lifetime of listening to her pray in public and in private, after happy and sad occasions, full of joy and sorrow and everything in between.  

I was acutely conscious in that moment of how much I have been influenced in my own inner life by the prayers that my mother has offered in my presence.  Now, again, the quiet rhythm in her words, the soft conversational tone of her voice, the unassuming eloquence with which she addressed her Savior beckoned my heart God-ward.  Those few sweet moments awakened me to the Presence who had been with us all along.

THE MOTHER OF ALL BLESSINGS

Chrysostom, the famous Christian theologian of the early church, said of prayer that it is "the root, the fountain, the mother of all blessings."

I am acutely aware that the term "mother of" has developed an incredibly pejorative connotation since the years of Sadam Hussein's infamy.  

I must tell you, however, that I suddenly understand what Chrysostom meant when he spoke those words.  

I am sure there is nothing we can do with our lives that is more powerful, of deeper or of longer lasting effect than to share our hearts with God in direct and absolute trust.  And if those we love are lucky enough to be with us in moments when God is our all in all, then they too may find themselves awakened to God's presence.  

May it be so with you and those you love.

SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER

Sweet hour of prayer, sweet hour of prayer,

That calls me from a world of care,

And bids me at my Father’s throne

Make all my wants and wishes known.

In seasons of distress and grief,

My soul has often found relief,

And oft escaped the tempter’s snare,

By thy return, sweet hour of prayer.

                                                         William W. Walford, 1845

Blessings,
Mark

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Comfort: What It Is, What It Is Not

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

It has been almost thirty years now, but I still vividly remember that Wednesday night prayer service.  Asked to voice the closing prayer, I bowed my head . . . and I realized I could not pray. The weight of my personal sadness had piled up so high around me I felt as if I were drowning.  I couldn’t speak.  I could barely breathe.  The longer I stood like that, the lonelier and more powerless I felt.

Then I felt a hand close around my arm, just above the elbow.  No word was spoken, but the person standing next to me moved close and continued to hold my arm like that, gently squeezing.  Somehow I muttered a brief prayer.  I continued to stand with my head down and my eyes squeezed shut as people filed out.  The person who had gripped my arm stayed with me, never wavering in their silent support. 

The word “comfort,” repeated four times in this brief scripture passage cited above, means precisely to “stand beside us, calling (out for) us,” spiritually, emotionally, and even physically if need be.  It is the same word that Jesus used when he promised us that we would receive the Holy Spirit, the comforter, or “one who stands beside, calling” out for us- that is, advocating for and comforting us.

This seemingly ordinary incident illustrates some important lessons about what effective comfort is and is not, that I think all of us who sincerely believe we have been called to comfort others must take to heart.

Comfort Is Not About What You Say, It is About Showing Up

How many times have you heard someone say, "I wanted to go be with her, but I just did not know what to say?"  When students bring me process reports on their pastoral encounters in which a patient or family member expresses gratitude for their ministry, I always make it my business to lead the student to carefully examine just what it is that people are grateful for.  It is never about words of wisdom- literally never.  It is invariably about the fact that the chaplain or other care giver showed up and let the patient or family member express what they were going through.

Comfort Is Not About Solving A Problem, It is About Giving Our Undivided Attention to the Person with the Problem

In the language of helping theory, this is sometimes referred to as creating a "holding environment" for someone who has been overwhelmed by suffering. I like that term.  I believe it implies our willingness to open the door to our lives and to invite people to come into a relationship that is strong enough to withstand the onslaught of suffering the other is experiencing.  

However, I want to be sure to make a distinction between being with someone in a genuinely helpful way and simply being present. I have come to dislike the the over-used term, "the ministry of presence," because people too often use that term to justify unhelpful ways of being with people.  

If you go to someone who is hurting, then make a commitment to give them your undivided attention.  Don't sit in the corner and watch the spectacle. Don't spend your time on the cell phone talking to other people.  Do not talk nonstop about the weather or the traffic. Don't take Aunt Emma out in the hall to get the scoop on things while the person who is suffering gets to watch you avoid them.  Attend to the person who is suffering.  When you can't think of something to say, hold their hand and breathe, and pray silently as you do.

Comfort is Not About You Or Me, It Is About God

In 1855 Joseph Scriven wrote a hymn to comfort his mother who was an ocean away from him in Ireland.  In the first stanza, he penned the following, 

"O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear / All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."

I like to think that Scriven was writing from first hand experience, as a person who had discovered what can happen when God is invited into our circumstances, especially when those circumstances are painful.  

Isn't it curious that so often when we encounter suffering our first attempt is to banish pain with the power of our presence, our words or even our personal charm?  

We can try so hard to speak FOR God that we forget to invite God to shine into desperate circumstances.  No wonder so many people feel as though God has abandoned them when those of us who say we have faith do not acknowledge God's living presence and power in the moment.

This does not always mean that public prayer is the thing to do.  We may be required to give prayerful attention to suffering people.  We may need to stand quietly by someone's side, calling silently to God as advocates for them because they are not yet ready to do so.  

That night when a stranger quietly stood by my side and prayed silently for me as I struggled, became a living lesson to me of what St. Paul meant when he wrote II Corinthians 2:3,4. 

Thanks for stopping by.  May God comfort you today. May God open your heart to the One sent to stand with you.  And may the Comforter bless you to be a companion to someone who needs you to stand by them.

Who stood by you when you needed them?  What did their care for you teach you about standing with others?  Leave a comment below.

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ANTI-MORBID MONDAY: A God Who Gets Up Before We Do

Dixieland in Central Park
Photo Credit: Mark Grace

This morning I woke up feeling as though an angry fist were squeezing my heart.  I brooded all the way to work, alternately praying and qvetching to God.

One of my first duties on most Monday mornings is to speak to and pray with new employees who are just entering Baylor Health Care System's system-wide New Employee Orientation.  On most Mondays this is a welcome event.  It gets my blood pumping and invariably renews my sense of purpose and calling as I talk to folks about BHCS' desire to be accountable to a God that is much bigger, even, than the gargantuan bottom line of a health system that operates 26 hospitals, more than 30 free standing outpatient facilities and umpteen hundred primary care practices across the greater Dallas - Fort Worth area.

A Blessing for Your Sunday . . .

Ka'anapali Beach
Photo Credit: Mark Grace

"Abba Lot went to see abba Joseph and he said to him, 'Abba, as far as I can, I say my little office, I fast a little, I pray and meditate, I live in peace and as far as I can I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?' Then the old man stood up and stretched his hands toward heaven; his fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he said to him, 'If you will, you can become all flame.'"

Monks, Anonymous; Suen, Pastor Raymond; Oxford, Benedicta Ward (2011-12-18). The Paradise Of The Desert Fathers: Desert Fathers Publication. Kindle Edition.

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Can We Really Know God?

I was raised with the promise that I could know God as surely as I know the loved ones and friends who fill my days with such fleshy, palpable joy.  

Photo Credit: Mark Grace

It was not until I was in my thirties that this entitlement was challenged.  Sure, I had heard my friends from the emerging church crowd speak passionately about "living the questions."  I understood that perfectly. I did not understand, however, and still have trouble understanding why one would turn away from the parts of Scripture that are easily understood to live in a no-person's land, contemplating the things we will never comprehend until Christ returns.  It seemed like a lot of navel gazing to me, an excuse to live vaguely and ineffectually.

There Is More To This Than I Thought . . .

Then I began to pray.  Rather, I was invited into a style of prayer that actually focused on God's presence with me, in the moment.  Bit by bit I dropped the chatter and began to attempt to listen to God. After all, God was there, right there, waiting for me just as He always had been.  Easy peasy, nice and breezy.  

Except for the fact that it wasn't so easy.  As a matter of fact it was really difficult.  All kinds of thoughts and disturbing emotions assailed me, not once or twice but every. Single. Time. I tried to pray in this way . . .

I found that I had a natural talent for obsessing about anything but God.  

How could that be?  Wasn't I the kid who thought about God all the time?  Hadn't I grown up with the  blessed assurance that Jesus was mine, all mine?

Eventually I found a small book entitled, THE CLOUD OF UNKOWING and I began to develop a new awareness of God's presence in my life, one that wasn't as easily controlled by me as I had believed for so long.

Seeking Genuine Encounter, Risking Change

That discovery has become shockingly important to me on so many different fronts.  Here are just a few:

1. I developed a much sharper awareness of the difference between MY voice and God's voice.
2. I am less tempted to offer platitudes about how easy it is to know God, and much more empathetic and respectful about the obstacles others face when they talk about trying to know God.
3. I am no longer satisfied with certain counterfeit experiences- for instance, getting high on emotion, anger and jealousy misinterpreted as passion for God, substituting mindless chatter for real prayer.
4. I found an increased ability to engage in daily activities consciously and prayerfully.
5. When counseling with folks, I often ask them to take five minutes a day to silently seek God, then to come back and talk to me about it.  This simple exercise has become a foundation for my practice of brief pastoral counseling and has opened up profoundly healing conversations.

Below I've included an excerpt from the book.  The first version is my attempt to render the Middle English into something a little more intelligible to contemporary readers.  Below that you will find the original text, or at least, I believe, Evelyn Underhill's translation of the original Middle English, still a challenge to read.

Prayer and THE CLOUD OF UNKNOWING 

Chapter 3
"Do not stop, but work until you are ready.  Because the first time that you attempt to meet God in this kind of prayer you will find darkness, and a cloud of unknowing.  You will know nothing except that you will feel  a passionate desire for God.  Try as you might, this darkness and this cloud will stand between you and your God.  It prevents you from seeing Him clearly with only your reason.  Neither will it allow you to feel Him in the sweetness of love in your desire for Him.

"So resolve to live as long as you can in this darkness, crying more and more for the One you love.  If you expect to ever see Him, you must be prepared to live constantly in this cloud of darkness. If you apply yourself to practice hard in the way that I have described here, I am confident that in God's mercy you will come to know Him."

Original Text

"Let not, therefore, but travail therein till thou feel list. For at the first time when thou dost it, thou findest but a darkness; and as it were a cloud of unknowing, thou knowest not what, saving that thou feelest in thy will a naked intent unto God. This darkness and this cloud is, howsoever thou dost, betwixt thee and thy God, and letteth thee that thou mayest neither see Him clearly by light of understanding in thy reason, nor feel Him in sweetness of love in thine affection." p. 73

"And therefore shape thee to bide in this darkness as long as thou mayest, evermore crying after Him that thou lovest. For if ever thou shalt feel Him or see Him, as it may be here, it behoveth always to be in this cloud in this darkness. And if thou wilt busily travail as I bid thee, I trust in His mercy that thou shalt come thereto." p. 74

 Now I must tell you that I am no great shakes at contemplative prayer- I continue to be inconsistent, distractable, and I still talk too much to God just like I tend to talk too much in general.  But I am not about to give up this quest.  At least now I understand what the fog is all about.

What about you? What spiritual and prayer practices have become important in your life?