Monday, April 29, 2013

Words, Words, Everywhere Words & No Relief In Sight

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We did the consult thing today, with the specialist, well one of the specialists.  Dora was so starved for some kinda news that I thought she was going to fall down and kiss sunny jim’s feet.  

He talked more than my preacher does. No offense, chaplain! You know how preachers can be. They think they can solve anything by throwing words at it.

Anyway, every time I asked a question he got that, ‘Children should be seen and not heard' look in his eyes.

Aw, heck,there wasn't anything wrong with him.  Other than the fact that he talked for most of a solid hour, and didn't say a doggone thing. 

‘Maybe this, maybe that, maybe this other thing.”

Made me weary to the bone.  Why do they waste your dang time if they don’t have anything to say?

I know he thought he was doing a bang-up job because Dora was just about to cry from gratitude.

He didn't say one thing that had any certainty to it. If he had only said what he knew for a fact, we woulda been out in seven minutes. 

Heck, he could’ve taken an extra ten minutes to show us how much he learned in school and I still woulda felt all right. Instead we get a truck load of pig manure.  And I can tell you right now that pig manure is not what we need more of at this point.  It may have its place in this life, but we got an overabundance of it in our corner of the world.

And by the end of the day Dora is depressed as all get-out.  We were eating supper, having a great time joking back and forth, like we used to do, and all of a sudden she looks at me and says, ‘We didn’t find out anything today, did we? We still don’t know what they can do because they don’t know either.’ 

There isn't much that gets that woman down. If I told you everything she’s been through in her life, it would make you cry, and I know you've heard some rough things.  ‘She eats pressure for breakfast,’ is what I have always said about her.

Now she is all jumpy. Her knees have started hurting all over again, from out of nowhere, and she gets these headaches. 

She’s never had headaches before.

When she tells them they just stare back and say, “That ain't related to this,’ like that is a goll-dang answer.  It don’t concern them, like that kinda pain ain't any of their business because it ain't related to what they are studying on.  

I can tell you for sure that it concerns the heck out of me.

Aw, there is nothing wrong with that guy.  I know he’s doing his best, if for no other reason than he’s too proud to do a bad job. You can tell that about him.

In a way we are both alike because right now, I get a lot of pleasure out of making Dora smile.  And I am of less use to her than that bloomin' doctor is. 

It is so easy to please her these days. It feels so good to do some little thing for her.  And you would think I just worked some kind of a genuine New Testament miracle.

But I feel like crap for feeling so happy while she is suffering.  Some days I feel positively happy because she needs me so much right now. 

Dora has always loved me but there has never been a day in our marriage when I thought she actually needed me.  Now she needs me and the way it makes me feel is kind of scary.

OK, well it is time for me to shut up. I'm talking more than that dang doctor.

Will you pray with me? Right now it feels like that is the only kind of talking that is gonna help anything.

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